And at that point, I asked myself, what does this person think a perfect relationship is?

Is it a relationship where there is never ever any disagreement?

Where you never feel annoyed with your partner?

Many of us have been conditioned by fairy tales (and their modern equivalents in movies and TV) that tell us that we should search for our one true love and live “happily ever after”.

And that “happily ever after” myth, for many, is what we think a perfect relationship is.

They never tell you that no matter how perfect two people are for each other, getting together is where the work begins…

My teacher, Dr. Dario Salas Sommer has said that because of this conditioning, many women subconsciously seeks their “knight in shining armor” and many men seek the perfect “Damsel in Distress.”

It is the illusion of the “Perfect Man” or the “Perfect Woman” that we have all been told that we should have.

The problem is, that no matter how amazing someone is, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, pluses and minuses.

But when we fall in love, we rarely see these things clearly at first.

We project our own “Perfect Mate” image onto that person so that they seem to actually possess all those “perfect” qualities until…

after a few months, or a few years, the mental projection dissipates and we really start to see what our partner is truly like.

That’s when, for many, the magic fades away, the “thrill” is gone, and all you are left with is the reality of the person you are with.

But what next?

That’s up to you.

Many times, dealing with the reality of the person you are with can be the best way possible to grow.

You did attract that person for SOME reason…

• Think about why you attracted the person you have in your life now.

• Why did you choose to be with him or her?

• Why are you still choosing to be with him or her?

So, in the end, what is a perfect relationship?

To me, a perfect relationship is one where each person loves the other for who they are in their depths, imperfections and all.

It’s a relationship in which each supports the other in improving themselves as individuals, and as a couple, so that they can grow in life and in love together, through good times and hard times.

If your relationship is pushing you to grow, then maybe it is perfect for you, because it’s just what you need.

And if you can learn to love that, then you may, in fact, live “happily ever after”.

What are your thoughts about this? Please let me know in the comments section.

Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to go wrong?

I did, a few days ago.

I had to give some bad news to a dear friend, and I felt horrible about it.

I had a disagreement with my boss, and, to top it all off, my cab almost got into an accident on my way home.

It was one of those days where the only cure was to go to sleep, to turn a difficult today into a (hopefully) better tomorrow.

Have you ever felt like that?

But here’s the thing. The next day was an amazing day.

I woke up early, did all of my exercises, and felt great all day, like I normally do.

It was almost like the tough day I had before had never happened.

We all have tough experiences, tough days, tough times. Days where life is so hard that you just want to ball yourself up in a corner.

It’s what you do next that counts.

Do you sit and wallow over what happened?

Do you complain to your friends and family over the next few days about how tough your life is?

Or do you get up, brush yourself off, and start again like a warrior?

It sounds like a silly slogan, but it is complely true:

You can always create a new beginning for yourself.

It’s about living in the present moment and maintaining a positive attitude, no matter what happens.

This isn’t easy.

In fact, you need to generate and store the positive energy BEFORE negative things happen to really do it successfully.

And how do you do that?

Cardiovascular exercise combined with certain breathing exercises can re-wire your brain and flood your body chemistry with positive energy.

Do this consistently, over time, and you will have enough positivity in your internal “bank” to deal with most occurrences.

And yet, there are still those days. The days when you just run out of positive energy. The days when you can’t hold it together anymore.

The days when you just need to chalk it up to the loss column.

But guess what?

There’s always tomorrow.

Really.

And you can get up again, charge yourself with positive energy and tackle the new day like a winner.

It works.

But you can’t just think about it, or do affirmations.

You really have to change your body chemistry for it to work.

If you do this, over time, you will have fewer and fewer days where you feel like you lose control.

If you want some help or ideas for exercises to do, check out my book, 360 Degree Success.

I wish you all the strength and resolve you need to make your days more positive.

But, the last details that need to be handled before the dream is fully realized seem to be taking forever, with countless obstacles appearing in my way during the last few steps.

People who had agreed to help me, couldn’t. Someone who was coaching me through it decided to double her price all of a sudden. I also became very ill during the process. (I’m better now…)

And here I am, without much having moved for months now. Still trying to traverse the final five yards before I reach the end zone (to use an expression from American Football).

It’s interesting to look at why this happens.

This particular goal, once achieved, will put me way out of my comfort zone.

In fact, if I’m extremely honest with myself (and you), there is still a part of me that is not even sure if I deserve it– not for any factual reasons, because the facts are that I have absolutely earned it.

The deep-rooted feeling that I might not be worthy comes from early mental conditioning based on the politics of race in America.

I remember the first time I realized I was black and that it actually meant something in this world.

I was only four years old. I was in a department store, and I saw a little girl who was about my age, so I said hello. She quickly hid behind her father’s leg, terrified, and said “I’m not allowed to talk to Black people.”

I’ll never forget the diappointed and remorseful look on my grandmother’s face when I asked her what that meant. From that moment on, I knew I was black, and, somehow, that was supposed to be inferior in our world.

Now, I’ve done a lot of work on myself since then, and cleansed my subconscious from many of the remnants of feeling like a second class citizen in America, but every time I work to expand the limits of my comfort zone (and therefore, my possibilities in life), the same limiting beliefs rear their ugly heads, and before you know it, all kinds of obstacles appear in my path.

Limiting beliefs come in many favors, all toxic and untrue.

Mine just happen to be rooted in the legacy of race.

Do you know what your limiting beliefs are?

They are (often subconscious) thoughts about yourself that keep you from achieving the things you want in life.

Have you ever noticed that life gets more difficult as you approach goals that are outside of your comfort zone?

As you get closer to the borders of your comfort zone, what types of thoughts pop into your head?

It is very important to quiet your mind and listen to the silent thoughts that come form your subconscious.

If you try to overcome them with conscious “affirmations,” or something like that, you will, in fact, be repressing your limiting beliefs and making them 10 times stronger.

The key is to notice your subconscious limiting beliefs, and really allow them to enter into your consciousness.

The more you allow the feeling of “I’m not good enough” to be observed by the light of your conscious mind, the more you will be able to see the truth.

If your goal is something that you have worked for and justly earned, your consciousness will know that, and it will begin to diffuse the limiting belief.

It’s not always that simple.

It takes consistent work, but bringing the murky thoughts of the subconscious into the light of consciousness is the way to overcome all types of limiting beliefs over time.

There is an old adage that says “Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched.”

How true.

In fact, the closer your chickens are to hatching, the more you should be watching yourself.

The “final five yards” of your journey may take even more energy and concentration than the previous ninety-five.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, questions and experiences in the comments below.

One of the many things that I missed is clarity of mind.

My mind was so foggy. And even after I was feeling much better physically, my brain worked much slower for quite a while. Things are much harder to do without a clear frame of mind.

I have been doing exercises to keep my mind clear and quiet unconscious mental chatter for a long time, but sometimes you don’t see the effectiveness of these exercises after awhile until the effects go away.

The difference between having a clear, quiet mind and having a mind full of fog and chatter is simply astounding.

I was about 30% as effective as I normally am.

Now I am back to my exercises, and the fog is slowly lifting– at least enough for me to write this to you in this way.

Now I can tell you with real comprehension that mental clarity is one of the most important things you can develop in the pursuit of success and happiness in all aspects of life.

Observe yourself over the next few days.

Notice your level of concentration and mental clarity at different moments.

Are you able to remain in each moment, free from mental distraction or chatter?

There are lots of exercises to be more present, or mindful, in the moment. I have reprinted some that were taught to me by my teacher, Dr. Dario Salas Sommer, in the book, 360 Degree Success.

You can find even more great exercises in his original book, HypsoConsciousness.

Give yourself the gift of greater mental clarity.

You won’t regret it.

He was explaining something to her, and after he made his explanation, she asked him,  “Why?”

The dad explained further, only to have her ask “why” again.

And again.

And again.

The more the father explained, the more this little girl wanted to know an even deeper reason why.

I thought, “How profound”.

The normal simple answers that most of us accept to explain this world just weren’t working for this little girl. She really wanted to understand “why” at its foundation.

And the truth is, I am pretty sure the father didn’t really know.

And the child inherently understood that the father didn’t really know the answer at its depths.

Amazing.

And we call this the “terrible twos”…

All of us should reawaken the terrible two-year old inside of ourselves and not be satisfied with simple answers anymore.

So many of he answers we have been given in life, in science, in history, in the news really don’t really make sense when you go beyond the surface.

Many things we believe have even been disproven, but we still live by the old outdated beliefs, clinging to them out of habit.

We should ask “why” until we get to the depths of an answer.

The world is much more mysterious than most of us think it is.

The secret of life is a mystery, the true cause behind things is a mystery, what drives us as human beings is a mystery.

Keep asking why.

Become a two year old again.

It is the road to true wisdom.

It is one of the most sought-after experiences in the world, yet it is also one of the most rare.

Like the effemeral fountain of youth, many seek, but few find the depths, the secret, the wonder of intimacy.

But, what is real intimacy?

Many people confuse sex for intimacy, thinking that physical closeness is what “being intimate” is all about.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. While sex definitely feeds certain human needs and desires, true intimacy feeds the heart and mind, soul and spirit in a way that goes far beyond purely physical gratification.

To me, intimacy is two or more people truly sharing their internal worlds without defenses. With fully open hearts.

One can have an intimate experience with a group of people who truly open and share their inner brings without pretense. It is an amazing experience.

Intimacy, therefore is not necessarily sexual. And sex, unfortunately, is not necessarily intimate.

What keeps us from experiencing intimacy?

Put simply, fear.

Children are incredibly open by nature, but as we get hurt out in the world, most of us shut down and defend large parts of our hearts.

I remember how I shut down my heart after my father left my home when I was seven years old, telling myself that I didn’t need him. I remember the pain I felt in college when I broke up with my first love.

I know others who have been neglected or abused as children, having their trust in humanity eroded at early ages.

Those scars cause most of us to wall ourselves off, resolving never to be vulnerable again.

The problem with building walls and defenses to protect your heart and to keep others out is that those walls also lock you in.

I remember the first time that I realized that the defenses I had built also kept me isolated from every other human being on the planet–

that I had imprisoned myself in a solitary confinement of my own making, built with walls of fear.

What a realization!

I invite you all to open your hearts a bit more, so that you can seek out and create more intimate relationships of all types. Of course, always use your judgment when opening yourself to others, but try to give the benefit of the doubt to people and open your heart as much as you possibly can.

And watch the world around you change accordingly.

You’re in for a treat.

Please share your experiences with opening your heart below in the comments.

We all contribute to the light or to the darkness, to harmony or to chaos, with everything we do, everything we emote, even everything that we think.

We are both receivers and transmitters of electromagnetic energy. And the wavelength of the energy we transmit affects the world (and the people) around us in the same way that we can be affected by the moods of other people.

In fact, there are machines that can measure the magnetic energy of one human heart up to 15 feet away.

We can measure the coherence and strength of our biophotons, the light that comes from our cells.

And there are measurable changes in plants that show that they can pick up human thoughts and emotions when they are connected with lie-detecting equipment.

And that’s just what our machines can measure.

So, we are always sending out information, like radio waves, to everything around us.

That information affects our environment, which then (usually) responds in-kind to what we are putting out. This doesn’t always happen instantaneously, but over the long haul, you can note how your level of internal chaos or harmony will affect the level of chaos or harmony, fortune or strife, in your own life.

Have you ever known someone who just makes everyone feel tense when he or she is present?

Or someone who brings joy everywhere he or she goes?

We all know these kinds of people– but these are extremes. We all do this in one way or another.

So, it makes perfect sense to check what you are feeling inside at every moment– that will tell you what type of energy you are transmitting to the world, and what the world will reflect back to you.

So, what is going on inside you right now?

• What are your emotions?
• Your thoughts?
• Fears or worries?
• Hopes or expectations?

All of this (and more) is affecting your environment.

Let’s commit to sending out positive energy into the world.

If enough of us commit to becoming transmitters of joy and harmony at as much as humanly possible, we can really change things.

How do you actually do that and stay authentic to yourself?

Well, that is a topic of another post.

Meanwhile, take a look at my series called, “How to be Happy”.

Be a force for light today.

The world will thank you.

In more ways than you can imagine.