Why it is so hard to change?
Monday, April 21st, 2008I have a friend who cannot change. She knows that certain things in her life are really bad for her, and she says that she really wants to change those things. But year after year, nothing changes. She finds herself in the same situations over and over again.
What’s even harder, is that she often convinces herself that she is changing, and that things are different. Even though they really aren’t. It’s quite hard for me to watch, as someone who really cares about her.
Do you know anyone like that? Do you see some of those same traits in yourself?
Perhaps there is some habit or life circumstance that you say you want to change, but find it staying the same year after year. Why is it so hard to change?
Change is scary
Let’s face it, in order to change, you have to CHANGE. And change means that you have to face the unknown— the unfamiliar. And that’s scary for a lot of people. Who knows what is on the other side of change? Being different.
Change requires effort
It’s hard to change because we need to put in the effort to override the inertia of our mechanical habits. The law of inertia states that “an object in motion tends to stay in motion and an object at rest tends to stay at rest, unless another force acts upon the object.” Well, the “object” in this case is the habit you want to change, and the “force” has to come from your will-power and desire. But, as you’ll see below, most people’s desire to change is not genuine.
We actually don’t want to change
Most of the time, people don’t really want to change. They just like to say that they want to change. Our difficult situations and bad habits serve a purpose, even if it may be a subconscious purpose. For example, smoking can help bury our hidden anxieties. Eating whatever we want can help to comfort our inner sadness, and being overweight can justifies why we haven’t been able find a relationship. Although these are just hypothetical examples, you can see how our habits serve a purpose for us. So the first thing we should think about is why we WANT to be the way we are, since we are choosing to be that way. What benefit are we getting from our current behavior? We have to be willing to give up the short-term “benefit” if we want long-term change.
Change can be much easier
My teacher, Dr. Dario Salas Sommer, always says that people will only really change when they comprehend the affects of the habit they want to alter. For example, if someone really comprehended to the core that “cigarette smoking causes cancer,” he would never smoke another cigarette again. That person keeps smoking because he doesn’t really comprehend what he is doing to himself. Similarly, when someone comprehends the deeper “benefits” of their mechanical habits, and consciously desires to give up that benefit for a higher purpose, that person can change much more easily.
The key is to stop fooling ourselves. Most of us want to be exactly the way we are—even if we say that we do not. A part of us does. A part of us feels comfortable living life exactly the way we do. If we felt really uncomfortable, we would do whatever it takes to change.
One last note, be careful of the “reprogramming” and “hypnosis” methods that promise easy change. If you do not get to the underlying roots of your behavior— the reasons you desire the “benefit”— then the habit may just be replaced by another one. Nothing is for free in this world.
I wish you the best in your desire for change. Check out the website of the Institute for Hermetic Philosophy at www.ihpusa.org for more information on practical ways to overcome mechanical behaviors.
